


The Green Day cold collection

by walking_contradiction42



Category: Green Day
Genre: I'm not funny, I'm sick lol, Just accept it, Other, Super Mike, The worst GD agent movie ever, This is really confusing I'm sorry, does a cold count as druged?, froot loops, polar bears are punk, the hype is real
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2020-11-27 15:04:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20950361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walking_contradiction42/pseuds/walking_contradiction42
Summary: I’m sick. Yeah. And the only thing my brain is capable of atm is writing shitty shorts that don’t make any sense. So here you go. Have fun!First Billie and Tre want to transform the polar bears into punks before they get killed by global warming and super Mike has to rescue them.Second secret agent Tre Cool has to stop a mad lunatic with very nice sideburns from stealing puppies.Third Mike and Ingo get mixed up in one body.Fourth Tre and Rachel need to save the human race from extiction in the year of the emo.Fifth Jason needs to induce a high school romance to entertain his satanic cat.





	1. Polar bears are so punk, dude

**Author's Note:**

> You are really brave to enter this collection. It's a mixture of my brain working on too little oxygen, 2 hours of sleep and some stupid ideas by my friend Merle. So thanks to her too, I guess. I'll maybe add a few more stories, if I'm still sick or sick again. But no promises.  
Maybe you'll miss out a few things, if you're not that deep into the Green Day stuff. There are a few 'insiders'. Also refrences to several emo bands, series and the movie pacific rim.

Billie and Tre had been high for a few days now. Mike was really pissed off. The constant giggling and laughing drove him nuts after a while. So, although he knew this was probably a bad idea, he left them alone in the rehearsal room to get a few things from the grocery round the corner.

“Hey you know what?” Tre said to Billie, hanging upside down from the sofa. “We’ve never played a concert at the north pole. And we probably never will, since climate change is hitting haaaaard.” While dragging the last word out, he fell from the sofa, hitting his head and probably losing his last proper working brain cells. “You’re right. The polar bears would probably appreciate our music. They’re soooo punk dude.” Billie agreed, while trying to balance a flip on his forehead and staring to the ceiling. A short pause followed. “Dude, we should go there just like right know.” Tre then said whit excitement and turned on the floor to look at Billie, but also slamming the table and hitting his head again. Billie thought about it for a few moments. He remembered that his wife had told him to do something, but he just couldn’t remember what it was, and it couldn’t be more important than bringing the punk to the polar bears. So they ran outside, forgetting to take the keys with them and Tre almost getting hit by a car, while crossing the street, and hopped into their private jet.

“It’s kinda cold here.” Tre said. He adjusted the pink, over dimensional cap on his head and wrapped the leopard fur imitating coat tighter around him. Billie only wore a ski mask he found in the jet that probably gave him pest. “We’re cool now” Echoed Billie’s muffled voice through it as he cracked up about his own joke.

It was a surprised the two of them had actually survived this trip, since neither of them had ever flown a plan an also Tre had always wanted to hit as much balloons as possible to destroy all of the small children’s dreams. He never hit though, because he was too stoned. But they had almost destroyed the statue of liberty, while flying over New York. Not mentioning that this wasn’t exactly the direct route. But that’s a whole other story.

“So where are those polar bears?” Billie asked then. “I don’t know. I think we’ll have to walk to where all the floes are, since polar bears always live on ice floes.” Tre explained. He strapped some skis to his feet, which were matching his outfit in pink, but since he hadn’t got any sticks to push himself Billie hat to push his but all the way to the bay, where apparently the polar bears were living.

In the meantime Mike hat noticed the loss of his bandmates and the private jet and was now despairing about what stupidity his friends had gotten themselves into this time. But being the genius detective he was he figured he’d just follow the path of destruction the others left trough out the whole country.

Billie and Tre for their part had discovered their first polar bear. Billie was wet after dropping through thin ice and nearly getting swallowed by a whale. Tre was fascinated by the polar bear that was now standing right in front of them. “Billie look his fur is sooooo fluffy. Imagine having a coat made of that.” The polar bear didn’t really like that sentence. It was just minding its own business on this chilling ice floe, when those weird guys showed up and tried to convince it to go to one of their concerts. Annoyed by their shrill voices it tried to push them off its floe and into the deep water. “Look he’s trying to dance with us.” Tre screamed now. This clearly was enough for the polar bear, which didn’t want its dance moves insulted by those shitty humans. So it attacked.

Dropping from the sky and landing in the perfect super hero pose Super Mike now joined the group on the floe. He kicked back the polar bear, so that it landed on its butt. Then he turned to Billie and Tre. “What the hell where you guys thinking? I’ve been searching for you the whole afternoon and you’ve destroyed half of America!” Tre and Billie kept their gaze on the ground and Billie mumbled something in the way of “America was shit anyway.” “We wanted to teach the polar bears punk. Since their going to drown in a few years it is their only chance to fight on their own.” Tre tried to explain. Mike sight. “This is the most stupid plan I’ve ever heard of. Everyone knows polar bears are emos.” He took both of them by the sleeve and turned to the polar bear. “Anyway we’re out of here now. But you should really consider becoming a punk anyway. MCR is never going to reunite. And we have Die Ärzte which reunited in 1993: Think about it man.” With that he lifted off into the sky, Tre and Billie waving from above sillyly.

Back in Oakland Mike put the two of them back on the sofa. Billie had fallen asleep and Tre was constantly talking about how he wanted to adopt a polar bear. Mike sight again and began to cook, which he left the rehearsal room for in the first place. But before that he taped the others to the sofa. He wasn’t interested in also going to Africa today, because Tre and Billie wanted to slide down the neck of a giraffe.

The polar bear turned Punk the same day. He realised that being emo wasn’t the only way of living. He then waited for the new Green Day album for years. He never had to experience the consequences of climate change, since he committed suicide a few years later.


	2. My name is Cool - Tre Cool

“And there was no sign of struggle? “agent Cool asked. “No” BJ answered, while nervously pushing his glasses up his nose. He pulled up some photos of the crime scene to the big monitor in the conference room. “We assume the victim either knew the perpetrator or assumed him harmless, because he looked a lot like the victim.” “What do you mean ‘he looked a lot like the victim’?” “Eh fluffy and cute I assume.” BJ answered. He sheepishly ruffled through his messy hair. As good as a technician he was, it still made him nervous to talk in front of people. That’s why he had become a scientist in the first place. In his younger years he always wanted to become a rock star but he gave up on that really fast after standing on a stage for the first time.

“This all seems to add up pretty well.” Mr. White now chimed in (with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?!"). “We know that kind of pattern.” “Yeah, I think I’m cracking up.” agent Cool agreed. “Looks like Mr. Dirnt is back in Town.” “Tam tam ta” BJ added before getting pulverized by Mr. White’s killer stare.

“Agent Cool, I’ll take it, that you know, what you’ll have to do. The city is in danger. If Dirnt is abducting the puppies then the kittens are in danger too. And you know, that I can’t stand it, if I can’t guarantee for Mr. Cuddles safety.” He casted a tender glance at his really fat cat, which was snoring very loudly in the corner of the room. Agent Cool nodded. “I think I know where to find him. But I’ll need your help BJ. This is really dangerous terrain.” BJ whipped his face, which was stilled covered in ash from Mr. Whites attack. “Sure, whatever you’ll need, agent.”

“I’m going in now.” Agent Cool whispered into his communicator. He had been observing the possible location for a few hours now and was fairly certain, that his opponent had settled there. The gigantic dog biscuits, which were delivered every half an hour, were quite the hint. “Ok, but be very careful.” BJ answered. “He will have installed several traps. I have upgraded your suit so that it will protect you from cuteness flashes, but you’re still vulnerable in every other possible mean.” “Copy that” Cool responded and hopped onto his vehicle that he had hidden behind a burger statue one of that lined the parking lot of the café, he had been observing. His vehicle was a golf cart, which he had once stolen from a Russian golf ball millionaire. Although it wasn’t the fastest way of transportation, he still loved it. He always said that it was the best disguise possible, since no one would expect him to pull up in a golf cart and also it blended in perfectly with the surroundings of rich super villains. He drew closer to the building, casually running over a reporter and reached the drive in window on the one side. A rather lackadaisical looking man answered him. “Hello. Jeff Matika, welcome to “Mike’s burger strike – We can not only rhyme but also do burgers”. How can I help you?” Agent Cool pulled out his miniature gun, which was so small that it normally took people a while to actually see the thread they were in. It also wasn’t really realistic when it came to handling, since it took a lot of effort to actually pull the trigger. But it came in quite handy, when you had to travel by plane, since you don’t have to pay extra for a miniature gun. “You will now slowly open the door that is on your left and then walk away and never return. Oh and a Cheeseburger would be great too.” He said. “Cool down man. I don’t like this job anyway. I’m just doing it for the money. Originally I wanted to do an online show. “The Jeff Matika show featuring Jeff Matika” It would be the best show ever.” He handed agent Cool a burger into his golf cart and walked out of the door afterwards. “Anyway good luck inside, I guess.” He said. While he walked away he whispered something in the line of “It would be the best show ever.”

At the same time Agent Cool had entered the café. It smelled like dog biscuits, burgers and something else. Something very crop containing. With his weapon ready he sneaked around the next corner. He now entered the main dining area. As he made his way through the red leather seats he could hear the barks of a lot of different puppies. This must be it, he thought. “I see, you are joining us agent Cool.” a voice suddenly bursted through all the barking. Immediately all sounds stopped. “I was expecting you. Although I must confess I didn’t see you approaching the building. Nice little trick of yours with the golf cart.” “I can just return a compliment. Your burgers really are very good.” Agent cool shouted, scanning every inch of the room to find the source of the voice. “Thank you. Also I am over here.” The voice replied. At the head of the room a chair turned and a man came into sight. He had blond hair, sticking from his head in every direction and perfectly shaped sideburns. He wore a white shirt with black braces under a black coat. On his lap sat a puppy he was petting. All in all he was the definition of evil.

“Mike the microphone Dirnt”, agent Cool whispered. “Agent Cool” he answered. “Let the puppies go”, the agent now demanded. Mike laughed with a voice so deep it could easily compete with his bass solos. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. They are just too fluffy. We go along pretty well don’t you think?” he asked and held up the puppy from his lap next to his face (that's how that one photo originated, true story). “I didn’t want to force you, but you leave me no choice.” Agent Cool sighed and aimed his gun at Mike. Mike laughed again. Then he pulled out a packet from his pocket and with the aid of his braces he threw the content at the agent. It all happened so fast, that Cool wasn’t able to react. Soon he was caged in a shell that appeared to be made from froot loops. That must have been the origin of the crop smell. Unable to move the agent tried to break free from his trap. “Don’t even try” Mike laughed. “They are refined with artificial fellenwort. It’s ten times stickier than normal sugar. A creation made from the puppies’ and my sweetness.” He took the gun from the stunned agent. Then he turned and faced the puppies, which were all sitting on the ground and sheepishly looking up to him. “See all my life everyone treated me like a leper. Everywhere I went they just talked about my cuteness and nobody really appreciated my person. That’s why I have created the cuteness extracting machine.” He pointed to a machine that looked a lot like a coffee machine, but only with a microwave tied to it. “It will extract the cuteness from these puppies and filter it into a pure sweetness juice. It also does coffee.” To prove his point he placed a coffee cup under it and took a sip from the brew. “Then I will distribute it over the whole world so everyone will become as cute as me.” He laughed again, but had to belch, because he had eaten too much froot loops before. “Ew that’s so sweet.” Agent Cool automatically exclaimed. “Silence!” Mike shouted, but he didn’t sound intimidating at all. Agent Cool still winced, to give him the feeling, that he was. “I will now start the machine!” “No I don’t think you will!” Agent Cool had broken free from the shell. He simply had eaten all the froot loops. They really were very delicious. Mike might have taken his gun, but he still had his super weapon: The human cannonball! With all his power he began spinning in a circle and as he had reached maximum speed he aimed at the machine. The impact blew it to thousands of pieces. “Nooooo”, Mike screamed before being tackled to the ground as well. “My machine” he cried. He looked so defenceless that Agent Cool had to let go of him. “Eh I’m sorry” he said. “Maybe you’d like a burger?” he asked and pulled a very wrinkled burger from his pocket. “It’s with froot loops.” “Oh thanks.” Mike said, immediately stopping to cry. He grabbed the burger and turned away. “And also goodbye” Without the agent noticing he had pulled a bike from one of the tables, put on his helmet and raced away. The agent was too distracted by his amazing coat to follow him. Mike had already disappeared around the next corner.

“Dirnt got away” Cool now said into his communicator. “My name is Billie and I’m freaking ouuuuut-… oh agent you have completed your mission.” BJ answered. He was really embarrassed. Nobody should hear him singing. Cool scanned the puppies, which were now sitting to his feet and waiting for him to feed them. “The puppies are secure. Also you should consider becoming a singer. You could be a rock star.” “Or I could kill myself” BJ muttered. “Hello there (the angel from my nightmare). I’m glad you’re still alive.” Mr White now addressed the agent. “Very Good job agent Cool. No doubt we will see Mr. Dirnt again, but for the moment return to HQ.” As usual he forgot to clear the line after that, so BJ and the agent could witness a very interesting conversation between Mr. White and his cat. “Eh yeah, see you at HQ” BJ coughed and disconnected. After stuffing all the puppies into his golf cart and pursing at least 10 more burgers Agent Cool returned to HQ, as demanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course this can’t be the last story in this franchise, since we spent so much time with this innovative story, we’ll have to recycle it at least ten times and constantly change the actors. Also is it sad that I got half of my 'agent vocabulary' from watching Phineas and Ferb several times?


	3. Jinx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cold was nearly gone and then it came back. Hurray. So here you have another story. Also for all of you who don’t know Ingo: He’s the lead singer of the German Punk band ‘Donots’. They actually were openers for Green Day during their tour through Germany in 2010.  
I got the idea for the story because the vendor in the wholefood shop I visit looks like Mike and Ingo mixed together. So yeah thanks for that random guy.

“And this portion will grant you eternal beauty and wealth” the man said and chuckled. “Yeah looks delicious.” Ingo said and watched the black slime that blistered in the small tube. “Don’t you have anything that can make us successful and famous?” Mike asked. The two bards were far from being successful. They travelled the lands and could barely make a living from their art. “Ohh I think I just got the thing for you” the man chuckled. He turned around and took two small glasses with a limpid concoction that looked a lot like self-distilled booze. “This was made from the strings of the lyre of the magical Jason himself. They were liquefied and enriched with the tears of his stunned listeners. It says that whoever drinks this will become the next great bard in history.” He whispered and plopped the corks from the glasses. “Do you dare to cost it?” he asked. Mike and Ingo looked at each other. They took the glasses with amazement, dreaming of a better future. Then with a ‘cheers’ they both emptied their drinks in one slug.

Maybe they shouldn’t have trusted this stranger. They could have guessed something was of. He had worn a long robe and a pink hat, which covered nearly his whole face, he travelled with an alpaca, which sure wasn’t common in their days and he wore far too much guyliner to be a harmless person. But they were young and naïve. So they ended up being sucked into a magical flush of colours and shapes, the laugh of the guy fading away in the background. 

“Well that is weird” Ingo said. Or Mike said? “Yeah, guess we shouldn’t have trusted that guy.” Mike answered. Or did he? It was the same voice. “Figures. Nobody could really be named Cool the third” Ingo moaned and tried to get up. But that turned out to be rather difficult, since Mike had no intend on standing up. “Wait, where are you?” Ingo asked then, looking around, but not seeing his friend anywhere. “Oh head please stop moving”, Mike groaned. “Where are you, tho?” “Wait” Ingo said. “Your head? This means...” “It really was goose?” Mike suggested. “No, we are one person” Ingo said.

They agreed on going back to the village they had visited before meeting the evil magician and asked around there to find him. Maybe he would change them back, if they kicked his alpaca or something. It turned out to be rather difficult, because the each tried to move the legs and so their walking rhythm was rather chaotic. They first went into the tavern. At the bar a miffed looking man polished jars. “Excuse me sir” Mike and Ingo asked. “I am Mike” “And I am Ingo” Ingo added. The man looked at them in confusion. “Don’t say anything he will think we’re crazy” Mike tried to shush Ingo. “But why do you have to talk?” Ingo asked. He was rather annoyed by Mike playing up. “Because I know how to do this” Mike mumbled under his breath. “Now shut up” He reissued his smile. “We ehm I mean I was wondering if you had seen a stranger that went by the name of Cool the third?” he asked, still smiling brightly. The man still looked wary at them. “Yare crazy aren’t ye?” he asked with a snort. “No we are… I mean I am not crazy. Not crazy at all.” Mike and Ingo said and smiled again. “Ye can’t fool me.” The man said. “Get out of here. We don’t want ye sick bastards here.” When they didn’t turn to leave he threw the jar at them, so they stumbled out.

In the next few hours Mike and Ingo tried to talk to many people as possible, but they either turned their back on them in disgust or told them that they hadn’t seen this Cool man with a sympathetic glare. When they nearly had given up hope a man shushed at them from the dark behind a corner. “I heard the two of you are looking for Cool the third?” he whispered. “Yeah” Mike said. “The two of you?” Ingo asked. The man giggled, just like Cool the third had done it, before jinxing them. “I can see it. The souls of you melted together in this overflowing body.” He giggled again. Then he emerged from the shadow. Before them stood a very small man. He wore robes far too long for him and dragging over the ground with every step. The pointed hat that said on his head slid to the side and he had to pull it up again. “My name is William the Armstrong. But you can call me Billie.” He introduced himself. “I think I might be able to help you.” He turned around and threw his robe around his shoulder, so he wouldn’t slip on it while walking. Now Mike and Ingo could see his pink slippers. Billie didn’t seem to mind. “You may follow me” he said and with a ‘puff’ he disappeared.

At first Mike and Ingo didn’t know where to turn now, but then they realized Billie had merely teleported a few feet to stand before a weird looking house, which fitted his body height. The roof was crooked and holey. On the dusty front window they could make out the logo ‘Billie’s wholefood shop and magical therapy’. It was one of the shops you tend to ignore, because they seem like you automatically turn into a hippie, if you visit them. When they stepped inside they found Billie darting around and collecting different ingredients. He muttered different things like ’50 eggs’ and ‘chocolate rain’. Then he came to stand before them. “I am missing only one thing to turn you back into your old selves” he explained. “But I am fairly certain, that a friend of mine will be able to help us with that.” “Then let’s go looking for this friend.” Ingo said enthusiastic. Billie tended his head. “He won’t be pleased to see strangers like you, especially when you’ve traded with Cool the third. And I can’t leave my shop alone. No, I am afraid we will have to wait till the evening.” “But that’s no problem. We can just take care of your shop, and you go off and get the stuff you need” Mike suggested. He couldn’t wait to not share a body with Ingo again. The energetic thoughts of the other were quite annoying after a while. Especially the ones about the breakfast they had missed. Billie tendered his head again. “That might work” he mumbled.

And that way Mike and Ingo worked in a wholefood shop for the first time. It was rather enjoyable and the food was really delicious, especially for Ingo, who had been thinking about breakfast the whole time. In the evening Billie returned with the last ingredient. Then he put on the potion. While they stared into the blistering kettle Mike and Ingo asked about the missing ingredient. Billie chuckled. “It’s linctus” he said. “Linctus?” they asked. “Yeah, I need it to stay focused. Since I’ve been to the North Pole (long story) I’ve had the worst cold ever.” “But… but you are a magical healer. Can’t you just like, you know, cure yourself?” they stammered. “Of course I could. But I like linctus a lot more. It does its job and is really delicious.” They looked at him in confusion. “You will understand, if you’ve ever been to the North Pole” Billie put it off. Soon the portion was ready. This time it looked a lot like linctus. Coincidence? Billie watched carefully as they put the glass to their lips. “Cheers” the two of them said. And finally with a similar suck of colours the two of them were sucked back into their own bods. “Finally I don’t have hair anymore” Ingo sighed. “And I have my sideburns back” Mike said and petted his hair.

In the end Mike and Ingo splitting up. Both of them had seen and felt enough of the other for a lifetime. Mike made his own band called ‘Linctus Day’ named after their favourite drink. They became rather successful and played royal stages. Ingo also had a band called ‘Donot drink portions from strangers’, although that name caused many controversial discussions about its origin. The two of them would coincidentally meet up, when Ingo’s band would hit the stage before Linctus Day. Also he opened a wholefood shop, since he thought that the world could need a lot more of these.


	4. I love metal to the moon and back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys it happened. I'm healthy again. This time my creativity was induced by 48 h of no sleep after a concert and a really long fair day. (I think I will be searching for excuses for my insanity as long as possible). So anyway this time it's kinda a Green Day/Percy Jackson mashup. Rachel is named after the Rachel from the books, but otherwise it's never mentioned. Also Itchy is a german band, again. Go check them out, if you don't know them.

This was the first time in her life she felt stupid. She stood in the middle of the street holding a paper sign saying “We need to get away, or we’re all gonna die. It’s emo year”. This seemed rather insane, especially since the guys next to her held signs saying “dogs will overthrow human race!!!” and “Brendon Urie and Billie Joe Armstrong are the same person”. Although the last one must have been true as well, since the man was abducted by the FBI a few minutes later. “Why does emo year mean that we’re all gonna die?” She startled as a man came to stand in front of her. She tucked her hair behind her ear nervously. “Because the emo tears will get the seas to overflow and destroy human kind.” She said. The man had green hair and looked at her with amazement and a spark in his eyes, which seemed rather crazy to her, but more in creative way. “And how do you know?” he asked. “I’ve seen it in the compilations” she answered, her eyes suddenly gazing into nothingness. “I am the oracle of emos.” “You’ve seen it in the compilations?” the man followed up on her answer, his brows raised in disbelieve. “I am no ordinary oracle. I can only see through the void of fandom. Compilations will appear if the ether of depression needs to share his wisdom with me. But only I can read them. To other they might seem like nonsense or springs of cuteness, but behind hides the true meaning of the bands to come.” She explained. Her were eyes closed in concentration. “The ether has given me a final quest to save those worthy of the music. But who might join me and how this will be possible still lies in the depths of YouTube.” The man had listened to her the whole time and now nodded with comprehension. “Seems like you need all the help you can get.” He said. “I’m Tre by the way” he added with a smile. “I’m Rachel.” She replied. “So Tre, you have any idea how to save the human race?” He thought about it for a few seconds then his face lit up. “You’ve ever been to the moon?”

Their plan was quite simple but also astounding. The ether had just told Rachel to save those worthy of saving, so being the emos they were it appeared natural to only save those with a good taste in music. For that they build a rocket that would fly them to the ultimate metal moo(n) colony (Tre had thought of this name. The pun referred to the circumstance that they also wanted to take cows to the moon to make extra fluffy ice cream with the effects of light gravity). Within the rocket they would take a pair of musicians from a specific music genre each, to recreate all of them, once the human race would have been whipped out. Except for Free Jazz. No one needed that. It would take a lot of planning to get them all inside the rocket, but the signs with free beer and music festival would help a lot. After successfully colonizing the moon Tre’s super human emo magnet skills would then attract all people with a decent music taste and direct them to the moon. The ether seemed fine with that plan, since he only send videos of Brendon Urie being drunk, which normally was a good sign.

After month of planning Rachel and Tre stood next to each other in the command canter of the rocket. “The only persons missing are your band mates now” Rachel said, checking the list she had made. “Easyyy” Tre said. “I just tell Billie the Oakland Coffee Playlist has been abducted and for Mike I will just say he needs to see some shitty fan art or stuff.” She nodded. “We also need to expand our collection of records. You really need to do that too. If I ever walk into a record store again I think I might just buy the whole fucking store.” She sighed. “We could do that.” Tre said. “We could use a record store on the moon anyway. I’ll just call someone with a really huge forklift. They can probably directly put the record store into our rocket. Also I always wanted to drive a forklift.” Rachel nodded. “I’m gonna get some more Froot Loops for your friend then.”

“Tre, why is there a record store in front of my house?” Billie (or Brendon, as you like) asked. “It’s the new shit” Tre said. “We need to compete with the internet, which gets the records directly to your house. So we do one better: We get the record store to your house” he explained and pointed at the gigantic fork lift with the record store strapped to it. In the background the first cow herd trotted onto the rocket. “You wanna go check it out?” “Yeah I mean I could just check out a few more things, I guess, get some new shit for the Oakland playlist” Billie mumbled. “That’s what I thought” Tre smiled. Mike came jogging towards them. “You said something about fan arts?” he asked winded. “And why the hell is there a record store in your garden, Billie?” They both looked at the fork lifter in amazement and Tre was about to knock them out to get them into the rocket, when Rachel came running down the street. “Treeee, don’t knock them out” she screamed. In confusion Tre knocked the two of them out. “But why not?” he asked, looking down on them, now sleeping peacefully. “The earth is saved.” Rachel smiled. “Itchy are going on tour next year!”


	5. Highschool never ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY MCR REUNION EVERYONE!   
I guess I kinda predicted it... somehow...well.   
I'm not sick atm, but it's cold outside, so that counts, right?  
Also If anyone knows the real name of Jason's cat please contact me. Or something.  
Anyway happy new year.

Two silhouettes were standing in the dark. You could hear their whispering resonating through the empty corridor. To the verdant eye this strange meeting may very much seem like the summoning of an evil spirit, but in fact the evil spirits were already present an there was really nothing magical about their meeting.

“I am bored” the first spirit said. He was the older and stronger spirit of the two. Today he had chosen the form of a fat orange cat. In many cultures he was known as “Satan” or “the devil”, but to his friend he was only known as “Steve”. His friend had taken the form of a teenage boy with brown, messy hair and called himself Jason. “I have spoken to the electrician. He said it could take a couple more days to repair the connection.” He answered. “So we need to stay here in the dark, without television?” Steve asked. “I’m afraid so.” “But your master wishes to be entertained. You shall go out and seek for something for me to watch.” Jason rolled his eyes. He knew what he had to do. “Who do you want me to set up this time?” He always had to entertain Steve with weird real life romances, especially since their electric hook-up broke and Steve couldn’t watch those on television. He also knew he had to do it, since Steven’s punishments could be pretty harsh. Sometimes Jason wasn’t allowed to pet Steve for days. “You know that emo girl Jen from your class, right?”

Jen was in fact only known as “the emo girl” in her class. She was fine was being alone most of the time, she wasn’t really into meeting people anyway. Especially meeting crazy people like Tre. Jason knew that from talking to her a few times. She seemed nice. Tre was the weird guy who always had one leg in the principal’s office and one in his grave. He was constantly talking about stuff nobody cared about like his new band, that wouldn’t get famous anyway, or the development of rectangular tomatoes, while simultaneously tucking a piece of chalk into his nose and chewing on his homework. Jason knew this, because Tre was his only friend. Of course he was his only friend. “ ‘You sure about this?” Jason asked his master through their mental connection. “Of course I am. They are made for each other.” Jason rolled his eyes again. Steve’s hit ratio was really astounding, considering his pairs always seemed like the worst choice possible. Last time he had to set up a guy named Billie with his best friend Mike. Jason thought it was a suicide mission, but it turned out that both were gay after all and wanting to ask each other out for a long time. Shaking his head in disbelieve he sat down next to Tre.

Jason made the first move of his operation after the first two school hours. All the students flocked into the hall to get to their locker. Tre was standing beside him and talking about some heir of Slytherin. Meanwhile Jason was pretending to search for something inside of his locker. Luckily Jen’s locker was close to his. As she came strolling down the hall, probably listening to music about graveyards or something (Steve could relate to that), Jason glanced over at her. When she was right next to them Jason unobtrusively waved with his hand and Tre was tossed into Jen, who then automatically let go of all her books. It was silent. That was something new, considering Tre was standing right next to him. The Jen blushed, muttered an apology and began to collect her books. Tre was staring at her. Jason rolled his eyes again. His feeling was right, this could get rather difficult. He nudged Tre and pointed to Jen, who was collecting her books from the ground. Now Tre seemed to understand. “Oh, I’m sorry” he stammered and began to grab some books as well. When they were finished they just looked at each other awkwardly. “Thank you” Jen said and shyly glanced at Tre from under her blue hair. “Your welcome” Tre said with a weird look in his eyes. Then he turned and walked away with Jen’s books stuffed under his arms. As he was standing next to Jason again he turned to him and whispered: “Did you see that? I think I have found a real living Smurf!” Jason smashed his hand into his face.

Jason’s next move was in their next lesson. He just needed to get Tre and Jen to sit next to each other. This wasn’t complicated, since Tre was talking the whole time anyway. He just had to heal their teachers left ear, which was already deaf from listening to Tre for three years now. After a few weird looks Mr. Nelson turned to them and told Tre to shut up, which of course wasn’t possible. So Mr. Nelson reseated Tre to the only other free chair, next to Jen. Suddenly Tre’s talking turned very quiet, but with his super demon skills Jason could listen to their conversation. “Are you a Smurf?” Tre asked in amazement. Jen looked at him in confusion. “No I’m an emo.” Tre’s eyes widened. “So you really are magical!” Short pause. “I am Tre by the way” “I thought that was a number” Creepy gazing again. “What are you looking at?” Jen asked. “You” Tre said. “Yeah, but why?” “I was wondering if the sea is blue because of all the people with blue hair, who have been swimming in there for years.” “No it’s blue because it was made from emo tears and those are blue, like the emos themselves” Jen explained. Tre looked at her in disbelieve. “You are weird” he then said.

“I need more cliché!” Steve explained, pacing in front of Jason. “This is by far the weirdest relationship I have ever seen!” “I’m sorry, but working with Tre is like trying to tame a drug addicted baby. Literally!” “You need to transform it into a stereotypical high school romance or I won’t be amused.” Jason shook his head. “I have set up a meeting for them this afternoon. I just need to get Tre to ask her out to the ball next week.” “Yes! Yes he needs to go out with her. And he needs to write her a romantic song” “I don’t think Tre is actually capable of doing that. His only songs are about someone who stole his fish or something” Jason said while scratching his head. “I don’t care. Tape them together if necessary. They need to go to this ball.”

Tre and Jen indeed met on that afternoon. Jason had slipped a note saying someone had to meet her into Jen’s pocket at school. As for Tre he only had to tell him there were gonna be free pancakes. He was also high as fuck and thought he was talking to a living gummy bear. This, of course, made everything Jason said much more valid. Jason was hiding out in a bush next to the bank they were sitting on, or to be precisely, Jen was sitting on. Tre was hopping around her and singing something about having a rock and roll girlfriend. Steven was sitting next to Jason, eating demonic popcorn and enjoying the scene. “They seem to get along pretty well” he said with a satisfied smile. Jason muttered. Jen was now laughing at Tre, who had run into a nearby tree (ha it’s a Tre tree). They both seemed happy. “But I am missing the romance! I need my chemical romance!” “That would actually be a pretty cool band name” Jason mumbled. They watched the two of them talking and laughing for a while, but slowly it became clear that they would part ways without Tre inviting Jen to the ball. Steve was getting more nervous every second. He tapped his palms continuously. Then he stopped. “She needs to faint.” “Please what?” Jason asked. “She needs to faint. He will catch her. And then everything will be perfect.” “Uhm okay, but I don’t think she is even close to fainting. “ Jason objected. “Not yet” Steven replied and looked at Jason with a smirk.

Jason really hadn’t thought that the day would end with him dangling upside down from a branch above a soon-to-be couple. If he had known a few years earlier that his demon contract would force him to do such things he would have stayed in angle high school, instead of dropping out to become a super star with his rock band. But his now amazing demonic guitar skills had a price, which in this case was knocking out an innocent emo with a pet carrier, made for a cat that was Satan himself. He hit perfectly. Jen fell unconscious and Tre, the subconscious gentleman he was, stopped talking about a magical oven, that could make cake from nothing, and catched her. When Jen woke up again she saw Tre’s face hovering above her. “I think I was knocked out by the guitarist of that one rock band” she said. Tre looked at her and said the only thing sensible in this situation: “Would you go to the ball with me?” Jen blushed. “Oh that is really kind of you Tre, but you know I already have a boyfriend.” Jason fell down from his branch. Tre let go of Jen in confusion. “You have a what?” Jason asked. “Oh hi Jason” Tre said. “I have a boyfriend.” Jen repeated. “His name is Gerard. We met while playing World of Warcraft.” “Oh right, I forgot you were a nerd too” Jason said. “But I really appreciate your offer, Tre. Maybe we could like stay high school buddys or something? You could like run down walls for me. Or we could write a rock opera together and pretend it was written by another band.” “Yeah I would like that” Tre said. “I always wanted to have a Smurf as my friend.” Then they left, leaving Jason sitting on his bud under a tree next to a pet carrier.

“So what do we do now?” he asked Steven. “Oh we can do nothing here. But I think we are needed somewhere else. I’ve heard rumours that a new emo band is about to form. They could need a bit of help, and a name: My chemical romance could be quite the band name, don’t you think?”

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters to be added at a non regular basis


End file.
